...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
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