I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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