I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
