Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
