Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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