I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
