dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Randomize
