I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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