I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
