This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He? As in you personified your dick?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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