am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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