i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
