Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize