I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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