We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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