I have demons in me.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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