Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
