He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
