oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
