so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
