As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She's like a pop up book from hell.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
