Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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