The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize