my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
