I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
