it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
