We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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