i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize