please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
i believe in u and ur pee
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
