This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
