it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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