I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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