Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
