There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
