the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
