it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I don't deserve a penis
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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