The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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