You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
