My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
