I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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