He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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