im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
