another moral hangover. fuck.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
