I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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