Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize