How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
