There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Randomize
