I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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