One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
