My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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