i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It's just like the Real World with babies
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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