Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize