I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
