We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize