how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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