Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
