tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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