Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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