i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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