At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
