By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
