i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
