found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
