I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
