none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
