i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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